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Out of ink? #9709
06/06/2019 04:13 AM
06/06/2019 04:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Xeno Offline OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Offline OP

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I don't know by name neither by heart. I barely understand how I feel most of the time. Tonight the coyotes are howling in the dark and it creeps me out and that is not normal. As far as I know I remember a police officer, coyote... GM wink Real friend of mine.

Here we are an heartbeat and we recognize each other when we share the look of a loving soul that cares about other people.

Oh they are not quite ready yet we heard? I can't listen I am so [beep] scared to lose everything again because of a decision. I feel life is risk and every time I think it is going to get boring with nothing new... Poof! Development...

I always have that issue about the boundaries of being a disclosure militant but also a secret keeper. Something is beautiful but so new in my life right now. The love is going so great and we enjoy life. Why do I feel so weird about it?

My past... So many of that thing we call [beep] that at some point when things are.... Wait.

I am just here to try to understand what is happening here and why I am so scared of it!

I think life and survival around that world down here is to be together. That is, to be honest, something I don't really do that well. I want it but I am still working on my paradiese. A world from a collective of mind that share what they have to offer taking what they need to be well. We can be it.

Is it a day dream? What is a day dream? I don't see any on my small screen. It is too blue here and I have a fortress of hard memories to keep me going. I like the blue light in the dark of my room but my buzz is green...

I am rolling the truth with a blank paper I know, I know.

I am not allowed to share something right now but I can say that life will never be the same smile

A while ago something went wrong with my mind and I yelled so now... I feel this and it has been on the table for a while. I had another opportunity to open myself to a new world beyond anything I had before. Something I have been imagining since I am a little kid that has finally started.

I purposely killed a huge part of the public following me and now, soon, some real stuff is going to start.

My friend said "In due time"

So I [beep] crashed paranoid and then I got over it and told myself that does not mean I am going to be hurt. O.o

I am not going to be the spoiler since they are also people I know IRL (or knew) that read me here... I want so bad to share something that is making some more sense to my life and how enjoyable it is getting to see the future.

Well I have shared this website and ID with some people IRL and sometime something is happening to me and because I need them to wait, you know?

This is what we call in Québécois "Être une agace pissette" tongue

Actually I am just writing a thread to say that my absence and silence of past times is not due to the nonexistence of things to say. I have a lot to share but I am not in the mood of sitting and writing pretty much. I am doing it tonight because I am on a nightwatch mission!

I have to keep myself awake and tell my public that I got bored of sitting my [beep] and I don't feel writing that much. But [beep] ! There are big things happening here! I don't have the whole world reading me but I have a few views and that is enough to me.

So, hey, you. You my reader. Thank you very much and I will be back soon with updates, new stories and information, an evolved version of me. First is to break the wall of my fear. The fear...

Lately we have been busy and through new things, a chapter that begins but at that point...

In due time, my friend wink


Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Out of ink? [Re: Xeno] #9711
06/06/2019 04:46 AM
06/06/2019 04:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Xeno Offline OP

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Xeno  Offline OP

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I just hope that I will not crash when I go there...

I had a hard time lately to adapt myself to what I am experiencing. I was first scared and confused but I just had to come here and write. I am watching this forum all day and I did not focus on it for a while but I am trying to stay a strong dad in these special times.

We are happy to have "this" home

There is really a world beyond better than the one I knew and I saw it.

I believe in it and now I understand how it is to get there.

I have never seen anything physically but when it pops up in my mind like an idea from beyond and cheese. So I think I have understood that I am doing well now and I have to stop being scared to lose everything and everyone I love because my trust has been [beep] in the past. I don't even count anymore the number of time I was exploited, manipulated and scammed or ripped off. I know it and it has happen so hard that now I just think it can be everywhere in everyone.

I am at this which it is time to stop playing this closed guy I was thinking I was actually open and really loving when I am actually just scared the [beep] out of me to love and to be loved because too often... it is not going easy for me. I am a lover but a few years ago I was seriously organized by some criminal and I had it deep in the [beep] so now...

I keep saying I am social but in the real world out there, I am mostly just walking away from the people unless it is a professional contact. Also I was showed who I have been that somehow I forgot. Nothing to do with aliens as far as I know...

I am not feeling myself because I became scared of it.

I have lost a serious fight...

I know I can get over it and make it clear?

I thought that the past month was my journey of self discovery but nope. I am going to learn about myself a lot in the following future but somehow I feel that my activity here generate silence and since I am not in the need to write my stuff anymore... I feel it like my vacation as full time writer are going to start.

I now need to be a full time dad!

I will have an eye on here and go stack up something to drop, later, or... eventually?


Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Out of ink? [Re: Xeno] #9712
06/06/2019 05:07 AM
06/06/2019 05:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Xeno Offline OP

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Xeno  Offline OP

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I am getting in the mood of writing a little bit but not much for a regular activity like I did once to get ride of it you know. "out of my mind". Some people they say I have mental issue and let me say what I think about that.

They are probably right.

No matter real or not, my experience would create mental issue and if I had none then I think there it would be suspicious?

Yeah my head go shot by a weapon and my mind blew up...

That psychotronic crap I know it and it almost killed me, many times.

But that is the past. We all have our past and once we share, not all of it but, what is hurting. Hurt no more and share your story and that is what I hope will shine one day after the rain. That drop on a leaf and the sparkle in it of a rising sun. I don't get this image often but I think it is around the garden of my heart.

I could have the visual a bit more clear on things and I am not sure if it is a real phenomenon or if I am just now really officially turning crazy and this is what is real already for many people.

I just do not want to feel like I will be alone in this mess in the future.

Yes it is still a mess in here, that mind I got...

I am being through good things but a lot of stress, unknown newly discovered feelings. Stuff I am feeling I would never expected it.

I am busy with something very special to me and I do not wish to turn the switch in my head and get back on writer mode like a little bit of right now or around last autumn.

There is something I am thinking about for a while and it is really like reaching me and I feel unable to talk.

I want to reopen some of my cold case...

But it would increase chances of conflict in my new goals and objectives or... maybe not but it is a risk again...

Not anything I can yet talk about anyway.


Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Out of ink? [Re: Xeno] #9714
06/06/2019 05:43 AM
06/06/2019 05:43 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Xeno Offline OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Offline OP

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I am really trying to know what is wrong with me that my satisfaction is so expensive. I have been simple but starving a few years and now that it is done I don't get over it.

I am going to calm down one day and stop to take that pill I now call the freakpill. I don't mind to be a weirdo but not a [beep] freak!

I decided that I want to accept myself and what I believe in regard to all the things I want in my future.

You know or not?

Right now I am not absent at all of my professional path around this passion for aliens that I have. Let say I am working on the personality of mine to make it chill with posts that provoke bad feelings and emotions. I want to be moderator and ready for an eventual incoming active traffic of users. I got to go back on the bench to solidify myself and work on unrelated subjects.

I know that I am not the best at introduction and in my life I have been pretty bad with starting rumors...

Maybe for the passive interest of an active public?

I have to turn the page and move on to a totally new approach of myself because if I don't I will not be able to survive the next alter-reality I am going to put my mind at until my body is kaput...

Not thinking badly about writing because I was busy with new way to look at life and myself and I really felt how deeply sleeping I am still here. I am doing that style wink

I was for a moment in the recent past feeling like a door out of a life I had living myself that way and so obsessed.

I am not sure what is happening to me right now in my life and even if it doesn't really feel great. It makes me sense that I am going to enjoy really good what I am becoming now. I am trying to find the word? I can shoot something...

Metamorphosis love

In my life I thought that it has happened to me but not like that. I feel a little bit turned upside down and like if some part of me was fading slowly being replace by something else. I am not changing at all, it is still me but I feel like for once what play in my mind is not going to blow me up like I have been through before.

Life is giving me that words are becoming facts. You know like when you thought of something years and years ago ending up giving up on believing and then boom! That moment when it is happening and the only regret is to have forgotten about it.

I have faith in what I call my written destiny and I believe in fate.

I really hope I did not mixed up faith and fate...

But it is not physical at all!

There is a turn happening and the first stage of my adaptation to it has been a lot unpleasant...

But there is something inside that even if I did not enjoy all of recent experiences, says that I am going to enjoy how I will live and feel myself. I really don't understand the switch inside.

I don't have to understand, I trust this and my love.

I know who and what I love!

And now it is time for me to reorganize my mind for the next volume.

Where the aliens finally did the last thing I asked them for this timing.

Thank you smile


Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Out of ink? [Re: Xeno] #9716
06/06/2019 06:05 AM
06/06/2019 06:05 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Xeno Offline OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Offline OP

Just a guy
Vice Admiral
*****

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
In my life it is a new horizon ahead but I have to open myself to it.

I have to give up holding on to the past alone. I am hooked to a story and I made it my obsession but I am not lying, something happened to me, it is happening again and it will happening. Oh wait... That is life laugh

I meant in fall 2009 that was paranormal and even more crazy in fall 2014 and I still don't know what happened to me. I want to go to people that I suspect to know something about it and see if they would treat me well or if in 2019 it is still being dumped in a psych award? What was my psychodrama? Can I say how I feel clearly for real and honestly without being scared of such a claim in a world of being called a stolen valor... I was shot in the head by a secret weapon.

I found a few words "psychotronic technologies" , "electromagnetic weapons" , "mind control technologies" whatever... The synthetic mind and the communication network that allows to... interact with someone mind. They pulled a trigger and my head exploded in my mind.

I still don't understand how they do and I am really interested but I feel endangered a little bit.

I was about to write that they refuse to admit it but that is not true...

I had a talk in Edmonton with two public CSIS recruiter at the career fair and they said that they are aware of the "psychotronic situation".

I don't want to play [beep] but maybe I should just ask since I hold something about it. I don't think my country wants to hurt me but I really don't know how to talk to them...

There is a weapon out there, invisible, silent, mobile, clean and deadly...

Well I am not always feeling like that eh...

Whatever...


Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Out of ink? [Re: Xeno] #9717
06/06/2019 06:24 AM
06/06/2019 06:24 AM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Xeno Offline OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Offline OP

Just a guy
Vice Admiral
*****

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
I have lost my track but I have a lot of emotional charge with this thing that has happened to me.

I could never share without being scared to be hurt so not choosing the best way to communicate is frequent with me.

I am learning well and I am not scared to admit. I use sometime to think about it and I have no guarantee that I will not be murdered like some people and I always have that feeling that exposing some of them or some secret is important because I don't want more people getting shot like that just for fun...

Haec sane debita reverentia erga Nationem in fide

I like Google smile

Over and out


Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Out of ink? [Re: Xeno] #9720
06/06/2019 01:22 PM
06/06/2019 01:22 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 637
frankie85 Online content
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frankie85  Online Content
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Eccentric people aren`t the worst, but you`re not really there ether perhaps

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Re: Out of ink? [Re: frankie85] #9724
06/06/2019 09:42 PM
06/06/2019 09:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Xeno Offline OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Offline OP

Just a guy
Vice Admiral
*****

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Alberta
Originally Posted by frankie85
Eccentric people aren`t the worst, but you`re not really there ether perhaps


I don't understand what you mean?

Would you mind to explain yourself and detail your mind?


Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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