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Assertive communication #4664
09/30/2018 04:12 PM
09/30/2018 04:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Xeno Online content OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Online Content OP

Just a guy
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Since posting on a forum is mostly communication I thought it would be interesting to put some info about a good way to communicate that works for healthy conversation. This is helpful on a comunity but also can help you a lot of you have an alien encounter. They would prefere that you know a good way to communicate with them!

Assertiveness means expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct., while still respecting others. Communicating in a assertive manner can help you to minimise conflict, to control anger, to have your needs better met and have more positive relationships with friends, familly and others (users and aliens for exemple)

Assertiveness is a style of communication wich many people struggle to put in practice, often because of confusion around exactly what it means. Sometimes it helps to start by explaining what it is not: agressive communication.

People often confuse assertiveness with aggression because it involves sticking up for yourself but the two are actually quite different:

•Force your needs or opinions onto others
•Often involves bullying or pushing others around
•Only your needs, opinions or beliefs matter
•No compromise
•Damages relationships
•May lead to shouting or physical aggresion
•Damages self-esteem

•Express your needs or opinions clearly but respectfully
•Others a treated with respect
•Considers the needs, opinions and beliefs of others as well as yours
•Often compromise
•Stronger relationships
•Using clear language to get point across
•Builds self-esteem

For exemple, imagine you are standing in line at the bank and someone else pushes in fromt of you. An aggressive response could be to grab them by the shoulder and say loudly "hey! What make you so important that you don't have to wait in line like the rest of us?"
This might make you feel better in the short term but you will probably also spend the rest of the hour feeling annoyed about the interraction. Or perhaps the other person will shout back at you and tne situation will get even worse, really leaving you in a bad mood.

A more assertive response could be to gently tap the person on the shoulder and say in a clear but respectful voice " excuse me, there is actually a line here. It would be better if you could wait your turn like the rest of us"

Chances are you will get a more positive response to this, perhaps the person will apologise and move to the back of the line or they may explain their reason for wanting to push in and you may feel happy to do them this favor. They may still respond badly, your assertiveness does not guarantee others will not be aggressive but at least you will feel good knowing that you did your best and used assertive communication.

Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Assertive communication [Re: Xeno] #4665
09/30/2018 04:24 PM
09/30/2018 04:24 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Xeno Online content OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Online Content OP

Just a guy
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Another thing assertiveness IS NOT is passive communication wich is:

•Not speaking up for yourself, either because you think your views don't matter or for reasons like trying to please everyone or ''keep the peace"
•Putting your needs last to the needs of others
•Allowing yourself to be bullied or ignored
•Often involves speaking quietly or with a hesitating voice or with body-language like looking at the floor or shrugging the shoulders
•You may undermine your opinions with passive phrases such as "only if you don't mind" or "but it really doesn't matter to me"

Passive communication can be damaging to your self-esteem and also to relationships. If you use a passive communication style, others are more likely to ignore your needs, opnions and beliefs, wich may leave you feeling hurt or even angry with them for not treating you better

Think of assertiveness as the halfway point befween passive and aggressive - just tne rignt balance!

Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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Re: Assertive communication [Re: Xeno] #4666
09/30/2018 04:41 PM
09/30/2018 04:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
Xeno Online content OP

Just a guy
Xeno  Online Content OP

Just a guy
Vice Admiral

Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 2,411
some trick for practicing being assertive

State your point of view or request clearly

Tell the other person how you feel as honestly as you can and remember to listen to what they say aswell

Tone and volume of voice: HOW you say it is as important as WHAT you say. Speak at a normal conversation volume rather than a shout or whisper and make sure that you sound firm but not aggressive

Make sure your body language matches. Your listener will get mixed messages if you are speaking firmly while looking at the floor. Try to look the other person in the eyes, stand tall and relax your face

Try to avoid exaggerating with words like always and never. For exemple: You are 20 minutes late and it is the third time this week instead of You are always late!

Try to speak with facts rather than judgements. For exemple: This report has important informations missing , rather than: You have done a bad job again

Use "I statements" as much as possible to tell the other person how you feel and what you want to say rather than accusing. For exemple: When you leave the dishes on the table I feel frustrated because I don't like the mess and I don't want to clean it up for you, rather than: You are such a messy pig!

Practice often, assertiveness is a skill wich requires you to practice in many diferent situations. And I don't forget to praise yourself for your good efforts!

His is not advanced knowledge about communication but it can help to make it better for a lot of people!

Plus qu'hier et moins que demain / More than yesterday and less than tomorrow
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